So as I said in the previous post I'm working on improving my self image. I have stuck good to not purging but it has been hard. I do good most of the day but I am a waitress on second shift while attending school. This means that I eat my dinner around 2 in the afternoon and work til 9 or 10 without eating. Once I get home I am incredibly hungry and eat right before going to bed. I really don't like doing that, but I don't have the chance to eat while working and I get so hungry. Does anyone have any advice to help me?
I am proud of my self for going several days without purging, I just wish I could be happy with what I saw in the mirror. It's a start and hopefully I keep at it.
I'm new to the blogging thing. I'm giving this a shot in order to work on my self and become a better, healthier person. I have trouble talking to people about things, so maybe expressing myself to strangers will help me. I'm not looking for people to judge or criticize me. I am on here in order to express myself and try to overcome my issues.
Here it goes...
I have been dealing with self image issues and eating disorders since I was in high school. It's been going on for about 3 or more years. After middle school I was struggling with some depression issues (that's and ENTIRELY different story) and gained a lot of weight. Once I became a Junior I was starting to have big issues with my weight. (partly a result of the guy I was dating and some other reasons) I was an athlete and was surrounded by skinny girls. It started out by skipping breakfast. Then I'd skip lunch. In my head I wouldn't feel hungry because I didn't WANT to feel hungry. I started losing weight like crazy. I got down to a weight that was probably healthy for my height, but I didn't even notice. I still saw that chubby girl in the mirror. Senior year was worse. My times for track were a lot better and I was able to seriously compete in meets and did really well. I felt like I had self worth because I was proud of my success. My eating habits hadn't changed. I was running so many miles a day and hardly eating. I dropped a lot more weight. The summer before college I was actually happy with how I looked. I didn't cringe when my boyfriend touched my sides (my love handles were gone!), I didn't wear baggy clothes anymore. I felt good for once. My eating habits still weren't healthy, but they had improved. I went to college and spent so much of my free time at the rec. I also played rugby. I began to eat pretty healthy and work out in a healthier manner. Looking back, that was such a good and happy time. I had also gotten out of an unhealthy relationship and felt like I got a new start away from all of the bad things. That didn't last....
I got ill with mono my freshman year. It was really bad. I had to be hospitalized for a while and I was dangerously ill. When I started to recover I encountered more health issues. To treat them I was put on prednizone (a steroid) for about 6 months. I gained weight like CRAZY on it (side effect). I became desperate to lose the weight. The gym wasn't an option because of health issues. I became bulimic. I would throw up almost every meal. Sometimes so much that blood would start to come up as well. That has been going on for a while. It still is. I am able to work out again and have been for about 1.5 months. I have noticed a difference in muscle tone in my body but I still can't stand to see my reflection in a mirror. I just want to be happy again. Certain things have happened and I am at a point where I want to overcome my depression and my issues. The problem is figuring out how to do it. I am a very private person. o one knows about this struggle. I don't have anyone in my life I am willing to talk about this with. I know that I need to change, and talking about it will help. That is why I am turning to this blog. I want to express myself in order to work on myself. Maybe I can also help someone out there who is dealing with similar issues. Here it goes. I'll post more about my experiences on my road to healthiness as they come.
Previous PostsA Rough Start, posted February 24th, 2013
The Right Way., posted February 23rd, 2013
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